waiting for the sun
by marianne in chains
Summary: [ShinjiAsuka]They have been waiting for the sun for years. Will they ever equal the sum of their parts and find the love the so desire, or will the night break them again?


**Fandom: **Neon Genesis Evangelion**  
Title: **waiting for the sun**  
Author: **Syra X/ nirvanafalling**  
****Rating: **pg

**Disclaimer:** Evangelion doesn't belong to me.**  
Summary: **waiting takes its toll, seven years after Evangelion.

a/n: >. this is what happens when i write with distractions.

-

We've been waiting for the sun for years, to no avail. Not the real sun, of course, but the symbolic sun. Waiting for light and love and a million other things since 2015. Life is unkind, and we who have tried to play God are doubly punished, as are those we have tainted. Death has met two of us, and I have never needed the light, not in three meager lifetimes. Only they are still searching. Two and three, they make five. Five was light and love and all they yearn for. Will they ever equal the sum of their parts?

-

Shinji Ikari hurtled though the now-crowded streets of Tokyo-3, dashing behind an old convenience store. His breath came in short gasps and spurts, eyes closed in obvious relief. He had just run in to his old classmate, Hikari Horaki, now Mrs. Kensuke Aida. Kensuke and Hikari had married upon graduating high school and currently had two children; Sayoko, age eight, and Satoshi, age 5.

Hikari had smiled and waved to him, brown eyes as warm and kind as they had been when she was fourteen and in love with Toji. Toji, who had died by his hand. He couldn't face her, couldn't tell her what he had done. She would try not to cry and tell him it wasn't his fault and it would hurt. Of course Kensuke would ask questions and receive answers he'd rather not. Shinji couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't look her in the face.

He thanked his lucky stars, if he had any, that Asuka wasn't there. She would tell Hikari, he knew. The last time they had spoken, four years ago, on the phone (long distance, too), she had threatened to tell Mrs. Aida the truth right then. But Asuka never followed through on things like that. They had not spoken since. Shinji tried, with great success, not to miss her.

-

New York City was not aware of Asuka Langley Souryuu's presence, and she liked it that way. The former pilot had fled Japan seven years previously, dreading the constant questions. 'What was it like?' 'Can I see your plugsuit?' 'Did they hurt you?' She returned to Germany, seeking anonymity in Munich and Berlin. When they tracked her there, she fled to the U.S and NYC, finally left alone.

She passed a stranger in the street, who waved and smiled. She did not return the gesture. That was the one thing that bothered her, the lack of familiar faces. Even Wondergirl's pale visage and eerie red eyes would be welcome after seven years of solitude. Four years ago she had decided never to speak to Shinji again. Now, his voice haunted her, when she lowered her guard enough to let it.

Asuka was tired of running, of needing so desperately to run. She crashed full on into another stranger (but weren't they all strangers here?) who hissed at her, "Get the hell outta my way, bitch." The redhead growled and spat at the man before hurrying away. She no longer yearned for confrontation, only conversation. Seven years, seven, and she had not seen them, seen him.

She only wanted to go home.

-

Shinji's sudden exit surprised Hikari, but she did not chase after him. He needed time; she would give him time. Her smile fell from her face at the thought of the secret Shinji feared to tell. She had learned of Toji's death and the circumstances surrounding it from Maya Ibuki, who, upon being told of Toji's and Hikari's friendship, had called the girl and told her everything. Hikari was fifteen. She'd had eleven years to come to term with everything, eleven years of hating was simply too much for Hikari. She sighed and hefted the bag of groceries higher onto her shoulder. Kensuke and the children would be expecting dinner. Ah, Kensuke, her husband and father of her children. She had, of course, told him about Toji and her feelings for him, but when graduation came and neither of them wanted to face life alone, he had asked and she had accepted.

By the time Hikari reached her house, the sun had begun to set. She had to unlock the door, which meant Kensuke was working late, again. She smiled wearily at the children as she began making dinner preparations, allowing herself one treacherous thought:

Toji would have come home for dinner.

-

Kensuke Aida loved Asuka Langley Souryuu and was married to Hikari Horaki, who loved his head best friend, Toji Suzuhara. The thought never ceased to make him smile, even as he sat in his cramped cubicle of an office, doing extra work for a sick coworker. He knew Hikari hated it when he came home late, would sigh and fuss and not yell but just give him that look. The children, she'd remind him, the children.

He couldn't bear to look at the children, children of two people who didn't love each other, children who should have Asuka's eyes and Toji's smile. He sighed and shuffled his papers into his briefcase. He should head back to the house before dinner became too cold. Kensuke grabbed his briefcase and clocked out. It was a long way home. He looked around the city. The neon lights of Tokyo-3's nightlife district pulsed in front of his eyes, and he considered. It was highly possible that he could find a red-haired or blue-eyed girl. The particulars had long ceased to concern him.

Kensuke took a right where there should have been a left, so many wrongs instead of rights. The siren-call of a false Asuka lured him; eleven years of silence drove him. He didn't want Hikari, didn't love her, barely needed her. Only her need for him kept him faithful, kept him there. Now, he didn't care.

So Kensuke vanished into the night.

-

Darkness fell on Hikari as she tucked the children into bed. The lies about Kensuke's absence tasted like blood and iron on her lips. As she closed the door behind her, she bit her lip in tired frustration. He had finally left her; he wans't coming back. She was alone, lost, loveless. Only the memory of Toji remained with her, a love aged eleven years.

Tears came, hot and swift, but silent. The realization of Kensuke's betrayal, the ultimate betrayal, washed over Hikari. He had left a woman, his wife, and her two children without any means of support. She was not angry; anger and hatred were not Hikari's style. She stopped her crying, tears, too, had ceased to be her style eleven years ago. She pulled her hair from her face and stared out of the window, the old mantra on her lips:

The darkest hour is always before dawn.

-

Asuka was standing in line at the airport, waiting to buy a ticket to Tokyo-3. She approached the counter and told the woman in a curt, tired voice what she wanted.

"One way or round trip?"

She paused, surprised by the question. Her blue eyes flashed and darkened. "How much is one-way, coach?"

"Seven hundred and fifty dollars."

Asuka nodded and gave a fake smile. "Ah, sorry to bother you then. I'll be off." She all but ran though the airport, cursing her stupidity and the tears burning her cheeks. Shinji leapt, unbidden, to her mind, smiling at her with outstretched hand. She could go back to Shinji, she had to believe that he would accept her, love her, help her. She needed to hear his voice.

Outside the airport, Asuka slumped against the wall and whipped out her cell phone. A lone distance call would cost her a child's fortune, but she wanted to hear someone care about her. One ring, two rings, three rings, four. The answering machine, the default message he had used for the paste eight years, rang in her ears. "Leave a message at the beep, thank you."

Her sobs were lost to the neon lights.

-

When Shinji, stumbling home after another night of forgetting, saw the flashing 'message' light, he wasn't prepared for what came from the machine. Soft sobs, continuous choking over the only words she could get out, "I want to go home. I want to go home… home…home…"

"Asuka…" he murmured softly. He couldn't find it in him to be angry with her; it was simply too late at night. He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes tightly. Memory returned, unhappy company. Hikari this afternoon, Toji's Eva crushed and bloody, Rei's empty red eyes, like Asuka's hair and Kaworu's eyes. Kaworu, light and love and everything he didn't have.

Damn Asuka! He didn't need this, didn't want it. She wanted to go home? So did he. The problem was, he couldn't find home; Tokyo-3 was as close as he could get, the battleground of his childhood still housed him in warped gratitude. He clicked the machine off and considered calling her back. She'd like that, Shinji figured. Why should he give her what she wanted? He wouldn't. He was tired of helping, of being a tool. So he put the phone down and let the dial tone bleep on.

And the night of Tokyo-3 broke him yet again.

-

The darkest hour is always before dawn, she said. But perhaps her beliefs were misplaced. Only I know what happened to the children of NERV. Five may have been too far for them to reach, he was the angel, after all. Even the sun gets tired after a while-let the darkness cover for it. The sin Evangelion cannot be erased, but penance will forever be exacted.

-

Suzuhara Toji- died 2015, age 14, Eva malfunction.

Nagisa Kaworu- 17th angel. terminated 2015.

Aida Kensuke- Died 2026, age 25 of drug overdose, searching for himself.

Horaki Hikari- single mother, trying to support herself and her children, died of cancer in 2030, age 29.

Souryuu Asuka Langley- died 2027, age 26, in Tokyo-3, NERV facilities, circumstances unknown.

Ikari Shinji- see, Souryuu Asuka Langley.

Ayanami Rei- MIA since 2015.


End file.
